Who Am I?

Before we embark upon this essential journey of alignment, let me first introduce myself. Since time immemorial, my essence has manifested itself in innumerable and varied forms. For example, in pre-Cambrian times, I often took the physical form of a trilobite. In more recent prehistoric times, I divided my time between stints as a giant ground sloth, assorted lichens and ferns, mastodons, and early proto-humanoid forms. As these forms evolved, so did my spiritual condition. In recent historical times, I have had many incarnations in (more or less) fully human form.

Following the Path

Despite a generally upward trend towards enlightenment which has accompanied these various incarnations, my path to Nirvana and moral and spiritual development has not always followed a direct line of ascension. For example, in one human incarnation, my path was that of a powerful politician. That lifetime was spent creating a vast political empire. Though I spent but a single incarnation in that fashion, it cost me a number of lifetimes worth of spiritual development. I finally began moving forward again when I was reborn as a cannibal, and then, in my next life I returned as a corrupt priest. I knew I had finally recovered from the spiritual debt I had incurred as a result of being an imperialist politician, when I was reborn in the American West as a pathological liar and snake oil salesman. But I digress.

Unity with The One

This time around, I am no less a spirit than The One True Enlightened Expression of the Holy Manifestation of Pristine Perfection. As I look simultaneously inward and out upon all of you, I see some disbelievers in your midst. But, as I do with all disbelievers, I offer you the Onefold Blinding Truth. When inserted into your consciousness, this Truth will effortlessly overcome your misguided objections to the Truth of my existence. The Onefold Blinding Truth is this: Your very disbelief is proof of my claims, because if you were sufficiently evolved, you would be able to see for yourself that I am The One. Hence, if you cannot see the obvious Truth, it should be obvious that you cannot see Truth, and therefore obvious that I myself AM Truth. Are you following this? No? Just go with it then. (This is some highly technical Guru stuff, and you’re just gonna have to trust me until you evolve a bit.)

Path of the Seeker

The fact that you are still reading this, indicates that you are a true seeker, and that what you seek is genuine enlightenment. It may also indicate a gullibility in you that I can exploit. Be assured, however, that my motives are pure, and that what I offer you is information your Creator intends you should hear, as a means to insure that you evolve. The Divine Wisdom I intend to impart to you now is GUARANTEED to be superior in quality to any wisdom you may have obtained through expensive seminars and spiritual retreats, and yet it comes to you here ABSOLUTELY FREE! Rest assured that, AS SEEN ON TV, the spiritual Dharma I will outline here is NOT AVAILABLE IN STORES!

Alignment

True spiritual attainment comes as a result of aligning the inner and outer worlds so that there is a seamless unity. Your Innermost Innards will shimmy and shake if these forces are out of alignment, and the resulting vibration will cancel any positive effects that may result from involvement with a Spirit Path. In addition, your sensory mechanisms may become so fouled that the Creator may be forced to cancel your Limited Warranty. Therefore, regular maintenance is required. However, you must do this maintenance yourself. DO NOT depend on the guidance of a Licensed Spiritual Technician.

Impediments Along the Path

The first impediment to living a life in harmony and alignment with the Primary Cosmic Entity, is to be oblivious to your own misalignment. You can't fix it if you don’t know it's broke. This fictitious scenario will illustrate how such misalignment might manifest itself:

On the way home from your drum circle meeting, (or an expensive workout session with your personal spiritual trainer) you stop in at the local organic food store to pick up your groceries. You always buy organic food, out of concern for your health. Today, you pay $4.50 per lb. for some nice looking tomatoes (which have been trucked in from Mexico, where they were produced by multinational corporate thieves using exploited labor). After your pass the check stand and walk out into the parking lot, you notice that you are driving a giant SUV which gets 12 miles per gallon of gas. You hop into the gas guzzling monster and roar off, stopping again a few miles down the road at the local convenience store to pick up a pack of cigarettes. The store, however, is out of your brand, which is called “Natural Native Spirit,” so you drive across town to another store, burning another gallon of petrochemicals in the process. As you cruise, you chant your mantra, and visualize world peace.

Meanwhile, the sanitary and ossified music that was playing on your local Clear Channel radio station is interrupted by a newscaster who informs you (using euphemisms and code phrases) that your government has just embarked on a program of deliberate annihilation of civilians in Iraq, in an effort to silence and intimidate resistance against your country's brutal occupation and most recent attempt at colonial domination. You turn your radio off quickly, because hey, you never get involved in politics. You prefer to dwell in a higher spiritual place.

Things to Notice

After reading the above example some seekers may say: “Yeah, so what are you saying dude?”

Your spiritual practice, and all of your involvement with it, is like the wrapping on a Christmas present. It may be pretty, but it is just packaging. What is inside the package?

If you want to be a good Buddhist, concentrate on being good, and the limitations of Buddhism will be transcended. If you want to be a good Christian, follow high moral standards, and let the Christian part fall away, like wrapping on a package, revealing only what is inside. Alignment demands a Zen-like annihilation of the ego, and of the path, and a merging of the spirit with the practice. Now you are in your natural state -- the state that always existed, stripped of pretension and distraction. All that is left is the substance. Is that pretty package, beneath all that pretty wrapping, a box of shit? Or is it something that makes life better; an artistic enrichment, something that brings you and those you come into contact with joy and fulfillment? Do the contents of that box help to bring about world peace and a healthy environment? Do they convey truth, even to those that would prefer comforting illusions?

I am saying this: It matters not what your spiritual practice is. But what you ARE and what you DO is of critical importance. Show me a person with a complex, expensive and time consuming spiritual practice, whose stated intent is to live in accordance with some higher principle, but one whose actions are those of an oblivious, obedient consumerist SUV- driving full participant in the errant and destructive ways of the Empire, and I’ll show you a nice wrapper around some shit in a box.

Guru Rammit Enya, when not channeling the message of the Prime Cosmic Entity, assumes the vessel known as Paul Dean, writer, activist and bassist extraordinaire with the band Blusion. He lives in Sebastopol, CA, ground zero for New Age "enlightenment." Vibrations can be channeled to: blusion@blusion.com.    

Other Articles by Paul Dean

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* Bush at the UN (An Honest Speech)
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* Mental Monoculture

* Plain Language: A Message of Solidarity With The Working Class

* You Can Be Deliriously Happy, Here’s How

* Letting Freedom Ring, And Ring, And Ring

* The Furnace

* The Universal Unification of Everything

* Size Matters? Thanks Debra For Keeping it Up

* The Infallible Opinion Poll, Sample of One, 0% Margin of Error

* Evidence, Absence of Evidence, And Evidence of the Absence of Sense
* Open Letter: Don’t Tolerate Media Disinformation About the Anti-War Movement

* Smoke Out the Moronic Axis of Evil: A Letter to Presidentmoron.com